The Korean Peace Talks: Phase Juan

PINGPONGBANG - I was blessed recently to view the Korean Peace Talks Phase Juan as I supped on some chamomile tea and discussed brand name versus generic brand ice cream outside of a local rumor mill - read Café André.
The vision, clear as the ring of a bell on a capital ship, took form as a chrysalis morphs into a Monarch butterfly. Ambassador Kys My Mun was working four sides of the isle as the South Korean head of negotiations.
On the one hand was the falsely aggressive North Koreans. He offered them 10 billion boxes of ramen noodles to feed their people for a few months. They also received 100 million cases of Coors, a move to please the Colorado vote and keep the poor in the Hermit Kingdom hydrated with pure Rocky Mountain water.
On another hand was the falsely aggressive Americans. He gave them nothing, but a nationwide 10% discount on all Kia models for the next six months only. Then came the Chinese. He told them Kia dealerships were available for China, but only if they guaranteed 50 millions sales per year. Forty dealerships to start - 40 more by 2025.
Then we have the Russians. Ambassador KMM thought hard about what to do with them. Finally an epiphany. Vladimir Putin will have unlimited access to American gasoline retail markets. That's just for Vlad. He will kick back 10% to the Republican National Committee and 30% to the Trump Foundation For a Greater America. The Russian people will get a 10% discount on all Kia models for the next six months.
As an added incentive, he also gave Kim Jong Un all rights to harvest any offspring from, or allegedly from, Dennis Rodman. He also gets a free movie pass to whatever movie he wants to see, but the theater must be in Seoul. He must mingle with the masses and then have massive amounts of quality time in the favorite bar of Kia auto workers.
Putin must also learn to cross dress like Rodman and attend EEO training for former Communist spies trying to straighten out their lives. The EEO classes will be held in Kiev. Attendance is mandatory.
Another olive branch for the Americans. They get to choose the color of their Kia for no extra charge. They will also get franchise rights to sell kimchi throughout the land under the brand name Eat KimChi, Live Forever.
Needless to say, Trump's perfectly attuned peace talks will light the fire on the economy in four countries and reap trickle down money for millions upon millions of middle class in all countries. Incidentally, there will be rewards for the rich folks who get these franchises going and invest, invest, invest.
In case you didn't know, the North Korea does have a middle class and it consists of the bureaucrats and the middle ranks of the military. Back to the deal.
To ensure Americans , especially president Trump and the GOP, go for the overall package, Ambassador KMM will place a Kia factory in Birmingham, Alabama and another in Detroit to remind everyone, including American auto companies, that Asians are pro-America and voters in Michigan and Alabama better respond in-kind or no more kimchi for them.
One last perk for Russians and Jong Un as well -  a customized Kia with headlights that turn into rockets capable of shooting nerve gas into former spies or even step-brothers - what's not to love comrade?
During the Donald Trump campaign events he would play the Rolling Stones classic "You Can't Always Get What You Want" at the end of the rallies. On the other hand, when you are the greatest deal maker in the world, everyone with skin in the game shall be rewarded, that is "get what they want."
So sayeth The Tweet Manifesto, in bookstores soon, maybe. (It will be written in federal prison by Paul Manafort.)
(To explain the "Juan" in the headline, Trump was alleged to have said, "Wait Juan minute, what about The Wall, can we get those Asians to pay for it?" He was trying to make a joke at the expense of Mexicans, but only his children laughed along with his inner circle of lapdogs.)